Devoxx – Java Posse Live
27 November 2011 in events by Linda van der Pal
Devoxx day 2, 15.10 Room 5
Java Posse Live
Dick Wall, Carl Quinn, Tor Norbye and Joe Nuxoll
This semi-transcript can’t begin to describe how funny this was, so if you have some time: go and download it instead of reading this!
At the beginning of the session, after everyone had sat down with a beer (sponsored by Atlassian, the official beer partner of the posse), we got chimp rolled. (Two chimpansees on a Segway?) Then they announced that the next Java Posse Roundup will be from March 26th till 30th in Crested Butte, Colorado (USA).
As always the recording at Devoxx starts with a survey, which revealed that the Devoxx rock-star wrist bands aren’t very popular, but Belgian Beer and Waffles are.
After the survey, the posse members start getting really morbid and invent all kinds of reasons why they would need a successor. Then they randomly select five names from all the attendees who are visiting Devoxx and come up with Chet Haasse, Mark Reinhold, Brian Goetz, James Ward and Stephan Janssen. Out of curiosity they ask each randomly selected deputee why they came to Devoxx. Chet only came for the comfortable chairs, Mark for the excellent keynotes, Brian for the extra airmiles, James for the beer, and Stephan came because he had to, but would really prefer being at home.
In order to select the official deputee who might succeed one of the Posse members in case of an untimely demise, they hold a shootout at the Posse Corral to determine who is most fit.
The first round is rapid research. Every now and then the posse has some random question which needs to be answered. So each of the candidates must prove how well they can get an answer by any means possible.
1. How many companies were on the original expert group for JSR 273.
– Chet quickly comes up with the ever favorite 42.
– Stephan answers 17, but later changes it to 11
2. What is the number of languages currently available on the JVM?
– Chet: -5
– Mark: 239
– Brian: 278
– James: 60
– Stephan: 150+
Sadly, the true answer is unknown.
3. What was the first non-Java JVM language?
– Chet: English
– Stephen: JRuby
– Brian and James: Ben Hill(? I might have gotten that one wrong)
– Mark: Scheme
– audience: Oak
– posse: Byte code
4. What is the lifespan for a newly issued software patent?
– Chet: my lawyers won’t let me say
– Mark: too long
– Brian: de facto, 17 years
– James: zero in China
– Stephan: should be zero
The second round is the code challenge. An intricate piece of code is shown on the screen with a while loop, containing a printline statement followed by a return, but the finally writes another line to the console, followed by a continue. The question is what the output would be.
Stephan: it won’t compile due to tabs and braces
Chet: it throws a DumbCodeException
Mark (actually typed the code in Emacs and ran it): It prints Java\nPosse\nJava\nPosse…Java\nPosse infinitely
Mark is right.
The third round is acronyms. The deputees are shown a list of terms and are invited to turn one of them into an acronym to explain what it means.
Mark: BYTE; Big Yellow Type Error
James: JSR; Java Spec, Really?
Chett: SWING; Sun WIll Not Give-up
Stephan: JINI; Just an Interface (he appologizes for not having had enough time due to not being a native speaker)
The fourth round is wave forms. The posse would show a wave form of an actual bit of recording from the Java posse, and the deputees would have to pick the answer that said what the recording contained. I’ll spare you all the options, as I can’t show the wave forms anyway, but the answers were: “Soooo….”, “Nose blow”, “Hello and welcome to…”, “Ummm…” and “Whip crack”.
The fifth round is Fake news. [editor's note, I didn't take any notes of the things people said about these topics, so I'm doing this from memory. I hope I didn't mix the speakers up.] Chett talked about the session called “Intro to project Avacado”, which was some kind of project that had created software that had something to do with vegetables. Mark told about the session called “Hand-Optimizing Bytecode with BitClipper”. According to him it wasn’t a very good presentation as the presenter spent most of the time complaining about the horrible submission process of Devoxx and then talked about something to do with scissors and nail clippers. Brian copied this tactic when having to explain what “The next great JVM language: Socotra” was about. James had to talk about “The latest agile practice: Blame Driven Development” and said that it wasn’t his fault that the seats were so comfy that he didn’t get much of the presentation. Finally Stephan had to explain about “Project Anarchy: A new approach to parallel computing”. But he had left the session early to attend the panel about women in IT.
The sixth round is about the posse lingo, where the deputees had to show they knew what Leeroy Jenkins, Phasers on Stun, Quit playing with your dongle, and Do the count-in meant. (In case you are not Java Posse fans the answers are: “It’s time to start the show”, “Phones in airplane mode”, “Are you accidentally muted?” and “Sync the audio channels”)
The seventh round was about sound effects. The first effect was the standard opening sentence “Hello and welcome to…”. Chett had a coughing fit, Mark seemed to try using his most sexy voice, Brian was very cheery about it, James used a recording, and Stephan did a Flemish edition. The other effects were the Quick news whip, Listener feedback, Random crap and a Pirate yarrr.
The eight, and final round is Impossible names. Every now and then the posse is confronted with names that are truly impossible to pronounce, like John Smith, Freddy Guime, Herbert Czymontek, Romain Guy, Raghavan “Rags” Srinivas and Hugh Jass. The deputees try their best, but fail just as much as the posse does.
Then it’s up to the audience to vote on who the official deputee should be. As it’s a tie between Chett and Stephan, there is another impromptu round, the Fashion round. They both have to pick a color out of the four hats and show their most fashionably cowboy swagger. Stephan needs a bit of practice, whereas Chett shows his unguessed skills as a true fashion model. In the end, the posse determines that Stephan is the new honorary posse member and make him swear on the hat that he’ll keep up organizing Devoxx for as long as he can.






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